Newly engaged on Valentines Day!

Here is a shout out to all the couples who will be getting engaged today, the largest day of engagements followed by Christmas.

There is nothing quite like the proposal and the ring. The excitement, the possibility, the feeling that you are taking a huge step toward the "rest of your life." For those of us who grew up wanting to get married, it means the search is over and you can enter a new phase of life.

I can honestly say that things changed after I got married - after the wedding ceremony. I felt a calmness, a sense of security and well-being that I could not have predicted before. It was like I was finally "home", with my new family (my husband) on the path of my adult life.

Here I sit now, four years later, with two small children. My father is going to babysit as my mom is visiting my in-laws (yes, my mom and mother-in-law get along like long lost best friends) so he is Valentineless. Going on dates now our engagement period feels like an eternity ago and yet it is still filled with memories of excitement, hope and wonder. The unknown and all its potential.

So here's to all you new brides and grooms who said "I will" today or tonight. I wish you nothing but the joy that a good marriage brings and the humility to know that marriage is NOT about you but about a new "us".

Temptations and obsessions in wedding planning and beyond

I have been thinking a lot lately about how there are so many temptations in wedding planning that can cause great frustration. You maybe run into the most amazing wedding invitations, or go to a wedding and they have a photo booth and you just LOVED IT and really want one for your wedding....

but money is tight and you know it isn't necessary or a responsible financial decision...

but you really, really can't stop thinking about it. You begin the slow (or fast) process of justifying why you need it, want it, why it isn't that much of a waste of money, or take the "life is short, just do it!" approach.

How does your spouse-to-be handle temptations? Are you often on the same page or have the same process of rationalizing bad decisions?

Right now the big temptation for my husband and me are the coolest pairs of eye glasses that combined are about a mortgage payment! We fell completely in love with our respective glasses at this boutique shop and can't find anything remotely satisfying anywhere else. It is to the point I'd rather not get new glasses at all than "compromise" on a lesser pair than the ones I found. My justifications are that I've had my pair for 8 years, that I'll be doing extra consultations soon and can use that extra money for something I really want. My husband tries to justify that if he loves this pair so much that instead of buying glasses every 3 years or so (he wears them out fast!) that he can just get new lenses. The problem there are the lenses are really pricey, too, not just the frame.

We feel like we went shopping at a Lexus store and are now trying to find a Lexus-quality car at a Yugo shop! We regret ever going to the eye glass boutique store and wish we could just forget it.

Wedding planning can bring these feelings out in spades because you have the pressure of "THE once in a life time day" and the romantic notions around weddings. There is so much pressure to make it The perfect day and to reflect "your style"... even though most of us don't go around wearing tuxes and wedding dresses on a daily basis. : -)

One of the pieces of advice we got from my former bosses husband has stuck with us. During our wedding reception he highly encouraged us to go travel and have fun on our honeymoon. I believe it was in reference to a gorgeous china cabinet we wanted to get but was really expensive (we apparently have expensive taste in things, ugh!) He basically said that a fire can burn down your possessions but when you are up all night with two young children and life is wearing you down, you will always have those MEMORIES. It's the memories of experiences that lives on well beyond any furniture, or eye glasses, or "stuff". This is of course part of the way the wedding industry tries to sell us on the "stuff" of wedding planning, but sometimes, just sometimes, there is truth to it.

So what would make a memory and what is the unnecessary "stuff" you can say no to wedding planning to free yourself to make memories later with the money saved? Can you block the temptations that you know are not necessary to make a beatiful wedding? Can you move past the decision to have a less exciting....dress, food, music, because ultimately you are chosing to save money or to reduce your stress and time spent planning by being able to MOVE ON once a choice has been made?